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Steven Wright's Words of Wisdom
Blakk Frogg says, "Steven Wright a very funny guy. Don't know if he'd make a funny woman, though."
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One of my favorite comics, as I stated in an earlier edition of americas-best.com, was, and still is, a strange fellow named Steven Wright.
Ever so simple and direct, his words speak volumes.
Below are 20 of statements he's made. If you're anything like me, you'll really enjoy reading them.
Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said,
"Implants?"
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just
standing up fast.
I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get
elected.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and butthead's.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for
Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wisewords: "Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
Find more awesome Steven Wright stuff at his official website.
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