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Gambler, Lawyer and an IRS Auditor
Anyone who has ever owed the IRS money will LOVE this joke. Also, if you despise lawyers, you'll like the joke even more.
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The IRS decided to audit Ralph, and summoned him to the local IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Ralph showed up with his attorney.
The auditor began with, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win all of your money by gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," replied Ralph. "How about a little demonstration?"
The auditor thought for a moment then said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thought a moment and replied, "No way! It's a bet."
So Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.
The auditor's jaw dropped.
Next, Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor could see it was obvious Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Where upon, Ralph removed his dentures and "bit" his good eye.
The stunned auditor realized he had just wagered and lost three grand with Ralph's attorney as a witness, and he began to get a little nervous.
"Want to go for double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was really cautious now, but he looked carefully at the situation and decided that there was no way this guy could manage a stunt like that, so he agreed to the wager.
Ralph stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he just couldn't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side of the desk, which meant he pretty much urinated all over the IRS official's desk. The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win.
Meanwhile, Ralph's attorney moaned and put his head between his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asked.
"Not really," answered the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be real happy about it
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